escrevinhanças & scribbles

  “Joy is not made to be a crumb” and/or “joy in not made to be a crown” both fragile certainties make sense to me. Although, I confess, there are times where I want some joy so badly, that I pray to gods without names, if they could please throw me some rests of it. It does not need to be much, just enough for me to forget this pain for a minute or two. Other times, I wear my joy as a crown, I become one of these annoying moms that simply assume that people appreciate advice about how to live well. I think I developed it as a mechanism to desperately try to make my joy last longer. It never works. I often end up alone and empty, sad, having to pretend that the crown was still there when it had already vanished to the other side of the moment, unreachable. Writing at times gives me joy. Other times simply gives me space to be. Like today. It is a gray and rainy day, inside and out. I am mourning the end of a relationship that I am not ready to let go. I am terrified of what

  What do I know about myself as a writer? And why am I asking this question? Yesterday, I had a chance to think about these questions in the company of some amazing women writers that as me joined the Feminist Online Writing Comunity by NSU. (You can check it out here). One of the questions that is growing inside of me for a while now, is whether we can think together (or rather all that we can do together is to collect material to think later, in solitude). That is an enormous question that I hope I will address in another moment. Today I want to share some of the ideas and struggles that we talked about yesterday. I used to think that one is a writer , but I changed my opinion. One becomes a writer , and there is just one way to arrive there, one needs to write. That is why we were asking ourselves what we know about ourselves as writers. So we can find the time, the space and the courage to write. Moreover, I am in a moment of my life where I believe that whatever we be

 the monster showed her claws you laughed 10 years ago she would have been mad today she knows how to smell fear you were lucky today the monster was not hungry she chose to pray to the wind, first a dance to the moon   occupied the last hour of that encounter   you returned to yourself almost intact all that stayed with you was that mark a small scar  that only caring souls can see  a reminder that once you loved

 a onda de existir  no meio desse sistema  que suga nossos sonhos quebra nossos ossos curva nosso corpo deixa-nos exaustos e pequenos a onda que veio antes de mim e que segundo o que me foi dito repetir-se-á inúmeras incontáveis vezes depois que eu já não for aceitei a história dessa onda por um tempo longo longo demais  daí a crise da meia idade chegou e arrancou de mim essa tendência de aceitar histórias porque sim vi-me perguntando "mas quem foi que disse?" e "por que foi que o disse?" quando dei por mim a onda já não sabia existir certeza imensa meus olhos começaram a notar  gente de carne e osso  como eu fazendo outras escolhas  repetindo e reinventando pequenos gestos de resistência  meu corpo habitado por essa urgência de viver até o talo viu-se também dançando revolta e convidando outras ondas miudinhas cor de rosa  cor de gente  cor de sonhos pra ocupar  não só minha vida mas também o mundo 

 Being in love and having someone not the same thing, doll to open your legs and moan in the right way might be a ticket to having someone that will keep you warm but to feel truly alive the type of aliveness that does not depend on having enough potatoes in your belly then you need to be in love at least once I can see on your pallid face that you do not understand why I will explain to be in love is your ticket to truly become a part of the world Is by being in love that you can transcend yourself you can move on from this small, self-centered you and become a part of the collective world and don’t get me wrong you do not need to be in love with one man or one person you can be in love with trees or with the world or with a cause or with a person to be in love is to be so involved, so taken by someone or something else than yourself that for a moment you forget all the small questions related to the size of your sex, the right measurements of your body or your personal achievements s

  it seems appropriate to approach love in a language that you don’t know it is exactly that every time you are invited to this dance a fun dance it seems like  in the beginning and you do not know where you are supposed to put your feet or your heart, or your hair, or your sex, or your bank account it is not that there are no directions at all you could choose to follow the porn school or what they teach in the so called women’s magazine but if you decide to embrace it truly without cheating then there is no preparation you can never really know how you and the other will happen the relation that you will draw together is a gift most likely a light one in the beginning beginnings of love have this tendency to be carried away by that strong animal smell you just want to find a place to belong later on, things tend to get more complicated to find the balance between the overrated freedom and the equally overrated love is not easy most people set